Anna Jarzab

Loud and well-hydrated

Make It or Break It: “Requiem for a Dream”
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So who’s ready for some Emily pregnancy dramz? But first, a gift. Or, should I say, a gif.

Remember when I said last week that I was hoping someone would make a gif of Payson’s expression when Lauren said that obnox thing about “Payson’s boyfriend” aka Max aka you might as well just fire that guy because I’m never going to like him now and he’s not good enough for Payson? Well, my friend Mardie made one. Because she’s cool like that. Imagine that being my expression last night while watching the news about Osama bin Ladin.

Okay! Previouslies: Sasha + Payson + video camera + Lauren = THE WORST. Everyone’s still feeling the burn from last season’s impromptu kiss caught on tape, even though it was almost completely innocent and not in any way Sasha’s fault. Lauren’s confessed her wrongdoing to her father, but she still hasn’t been forced to take responsibility. But Sasha’s back, so it sort of doesn’t matter? Kaylie’s had some emotional breakthroughs with Damon’s help, and a jealous Emily broke up with him. Then she found out she was pregnant with his baby! OMG.

Emily and Chloe at the doctor’s office–she’s six weeks along. “I can’t believe it? How did this happen?” Emily asks. Doc Obvious asks, “Did you use protection? That’s how it happened.” I like Doc Obvious. If she’d just come around a little earlier, she could’ve given Emily a what’s-what about her gymnastics that might’ve made her less completely awful. It also comes up that Emily’s only had one period ever in her whole life. And she’s seventeen. That solves that mystery, although doesn’t explain why she looks 27. Oh, because the actress is 27. RIGHT. Chloe explains to Doc Obvious that ladies who are gymnasts don’t get periods. Doc Obvious gives Em pamphlets on keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, and terminating it, but tells her that until she makes a decision, no gymnastics. Chloe is NOT pleased, and I don’t blame her.

Sasha’s back! And he’s riding a motorcycle! What happened to the motor home? He walks in on Summer organizing a big PR thing for the girls that’s going to be televised, I guess. Sasha doesn’t want it to happen; he’s freaked out about Emily and carrying her secret all by himself, and he’s jittery about the girls given their defeat at the hands of the Russian team in Hungary. But Summer insists, and Emily shows up anyway and is in total denial. I’m confused about why they’re all acting like Emily’s World team status is still undecided–didn’t that World team coach say he was deep sixing her in favor of Kelly Parker? Didn’t that JUST HAPPEN last week?

Kaylie and Damon in the Cruz’s recording studio. Damon’s dumb record label loved the song Kaylie wrote and want Damon and Kaylie to record it together for Damon’s first single (”Yeah right” - everybody who’s ever listened to music). The recording label says that she has a “heartbreakingly pure voice.” LOL! “We have something hot going,” Damon says. “AS A DUO.” Back at the Rock, the reporter is grilling Em on why she deserves to be on the World team and Payson comes to her defense. Pressure’s on, Em! “Yes, yes it is,” Emily says. “But I can do it.” Oh, that’s a change of tune. Figures she’d pick now to be confident in her gymnastics.

Sasha assumes this means that Emily is terminating her pregnancy, but she hasn’t settled on that. Sasha says that she has to make the decision herself, but she has to make it fast. She’s waiting until she finds out if she’s really going to Worlds which…makes a little bit of bizarre sense? On an entirely different subject, how weird is it that John Krasinski is in Something Borrowed but he’s not the love interest? I don’t get that at all.

Woof, Kaylie, you cannot sing. Damon must be falling in love with her, there is no other way to explain how he can’t see that. I mean, hear it! “You’re helping me realize that I can do something else with my life other than gymnastics,” Kaylie says. Um, so we have Kaylie gone from gymnastics and seriously contemplating never coming back, we have Emily pregnant and probably having to sit out a year (if not all the years–being a mother is a huge responsibility!)…that’s half the team! Payson cannot carry the burden of this entire show on her shoulders, especially without a love interest, and I will NOT watch Lauren TV every Monday, I will NOT.

I will also not stand for Damon giving up on Emily like this. I’m not saying he shouldn’t, I’m just saying that it’s out of character. It would make more sense for Kaylie to latch onto him and manufacture some kind of romance out of the situation and for him to push back, not ready to move on from Emily–it makes NO sense, given what we know of Damon, that he would be like, “Meh, ok, moving on.”

Lauren, unsettled by Sasha’s return, encourages (browbeats) her father to propose to Summer so that Sasha can’t swoop in and snatch her back up. He, of course, is like, “I think you’re right.” It’s sad how much of Lauren’s puppet Steve is. Over at Casa de Kmetko, Emily’s in yet another strop with her mother. Chloe’s just trying to relate to her, saying that she understands because she was a pregnant teenager, too. “After fighting it my entire life, I ended up just like you,” Emily says, AS IF THAT’S NOT HER FAULT. Chloe brings up abortion and Emily wants to know if Chloe–who had Emily even though it meant being a teen mom–is okay with it. Chloe says she is, but Emily’s not sure if it’s morally right.  Surprisingly, Emily hasn’t told Damon, and Chloe tells her she doesn’t have to tell him.

Steve does a whole proposal schtick and asks Summer to marry him, but she needs to think about it. Not the answer Lauren was expecting. Chloe and Sasha talk about Emily, and how she’s not dealing with it. Sasha shoots down the suggestion that Emily can have the baby and then come back to gymnastics; once her body changes, that’s it. “She’s one of those girls who thinks she can have it her way all the time,” Sasha says. “This time she can’t.” Sasha doubts Emily’s ability to go all the way in gymnastics anyway, so he won’t tell her what to do.

Kaylie’s therapy session. SNOOOOOORE. Next. I hate this plotline so much. Oh, wait, therapist is giving Kaylie the go ahead to start training again if she wants. BUT DOES SHE WANT? No. She wants to sing bad songs and make out with Damon.

Lauren’s having a hard time at the gym and Sasha thinks it’s pyschological, but since she won’t admit to having anything on her mind, he suggests extra training to fix the problem. She balks at spending time alone with him at the gym, and he assures her that nothing untoward happened between him and Payson. I’m a little confused here…is Lauren doing this just to be mean to Sasha, or is she genuinely skeeved by him? I’m guessing she’s going to use it to manipulate Summer into turning away from Sasha and towards Steve, because that’s what she does every time.

Summer and Kim talk about Steve’s proposal, and I was going to skip over this, but the conversation is a little too weird not to talk about. “Lauren needs a mother, and I know it’s me, I can feel it in my bones,” Summer says. JIGGA WHAT? Seriously? Girl, do not get it twisted–this is your life. Lauren doesn’t need a mother, she needs a shrink, girlfriend is a straight up sociopath. Marry Sasha, have beautiful blond half-Romanian bebes with him, and just FORGET LAUREN ALREADY GOSH. “Even if I did still have feelings for Sasha, he doesn’t share my values.” Um, what values would those be? Not having sex before marriage? You were the one who tried to have sex with him and he pushed you away! He’s not a Christian, but so what? Neither is Steve! And neither is Lauren; she plays for the other team, and by that I mean Hell. Kim advises her to lay it all on the line with Sasha and see what he says. Yeah, Summer’s really the type to just throw spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks.

Emily and Payson have a patently insane conversation where Emily asks if Payson’s BROKEN BACK ever feels like “just a blip.” Payson’s like, “Bitch, it was the biggest test of my life, TRUST.” Emily, you are not going to get out of this so easily! Stop effing around, make a choice, and deal with the consequences. I like that Emily is hanging out at the gym, conspicuously not working out. Simon Tam walks in and tells her that she’s officially on the World team again. Seriously, show? For real this time? I thought that she was on the World team when she EARNED A SPOT ON THE WORLD TEAM. Emily, of course, runs out of the gym. Because that’s normal. Payson follows her out and Emily confesses about her pregnancy. “How could you do this? You’re not stupid!” Uh, Payson, yes she is. Payson full on yells at her about how the rules are there to protect them, but Emily turns it around and is like, thanks for the support. Payson’s like, OH NO YOU DO NOT MAKE ME THE BAD GUY. She points out that Emily was never serious about her gymnastics, and everybody keeps giving her chances and she keeps screwing up. Emily rightly points out that she’s not special, that people just keep giving her breaks and nothing she’s got has actually been earned. Wow, a rare moment of clarity. Shouldn’t last long, don’t worry. “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to stay mentally tough here.” Payson’s the best. Emily’s all, maybe this is a sign I should just give up. I mean, yes, it is, but also, don’t force a baby to live with the weight of your cowardice, Emily! You know she will resent the crap out of that child.

Summer’s getting it up to talk to Sasha about them, but then he drops the bomb on her about Emily, and she tells him to man up and give Emily some advice already. Seriously, if Payson and Summer and Kim teamed up, they could rule the world. Of course Summer assumes Emily’s going to have the baby, but Sasha doesn’t want her to–he wants her to go to Worlds (even though she doesn’t deserve it) and the Olympics (even though she doesn’t deserve it). I wonder if this will make up Summer’s mind about Sasha and his values? Oh, wait, yes. She’s pissed. That doesn’t mean you have to marry Steve you moron! Ugh. Never mind. Kim and Payson can rule the world by themselves.

Also, this Kaylie singing thing has to STOP RIGHT NOW. Ugh, they just hugged. And kissed. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. Damon’s all into it–”Emily and I are broken up now, it’s okay”–and Kaylie’s like, um, it’s not okay, she’s my friend. Damon, you spent two seasons of this show saying how you were going to love Emily to the end of the Earth, then you break up with her for like two days and you’re kissing her friend? You just lost ALL of my respect. There are no good men on this show except Sasha. Truly. Is that the message of the show? Men are the worst? Except the Romanian Olympic gold medalists?

Emily finally thanks Chloe for her support. DON’T LOOK NOW EMILY. Chloe has told Simon Tam (the NGO guy) that Emily is pregnant. Oh snap! He wants to help her. It’s happened before, they “took care of it”, and the gymnast went on to make the national team. Maybe I’m just dense or something, but I can’t tell what Emily’s going to do here. They’re doing a pretty good job of showing how she’s being pulled in a million different directions. And now things are even more complicated because Emily gets a sudden rush of paranoia–is something going on between Chloe and Simon Tam? I’d actually like to know that, too. I don’t blame Chloe if there is, he’s pretty hot. Emily decides that Damon will understand and support her even though nobody else possibly can. Woof. Chloe is getting desperate–she really does want Emily to have an abortion, you can see that in her reaction to Emily telling Damon about the pregnancy. I don’t blame her, but yeesh.

This is so intense. Chloe reminds Emily that lots of teen fathers ditch their babies and baby mamas, but Emily, who is totally spinning now, insists that Damon loves her and will be there for her and rushes off to see him. Eek. Can’t wait till she accidentally walks in on Kaylie finally giving in and making out with Damon. Should be AWESOME. She’ll probably have a miscarriage. I’m calling it now.

Lauren and Sasha are working on overcoming her case of the “twisties” (where her mind forces her body to add a twist to her routines out of fear of getting hurt) and she succeeds in beating it. When she realizes that Sasha really cares about helping her without any ulterior motive, she actually breaks down crying. Is that guilt I see dripping out of the corners of her eyes? She says that she never thought Sasha cared about her as a gymnast, that he always prioritized Kaylie, Payson, and even Emily above her. He said that he always thought she didn’t want to let him in. They hug it out. A surprisingly touching scene.

Damon is “playing guitar” in his apartment when there’s a knock on the door. Is it Emily or Kaylie? I think Kaylie. Emily will come later and catch them canoodling. Show, I thought you were better than that. Oh, wait, it actually is Emily. Damon gives her the brush off. “Emily, what are you doing here? You broke up with me, remember? You know, I’m kind of getting tired of this push/pull.” She asks if he meant it when he said he would wait till 2012 to be with her (you know, that’s just around the corner now, guys, let’s be for real here), that he would love her forever, and he’s all, “How many times are we going to go over this?” She does bust in on him a lot and give him the third degree about feelings he has already freely expressed to her. That’s gotta be annoying.

Emily tells him she’s pregnant. She’s manic about it. She’s like, we don’t have to wait, we can have the baby, we can have a family, I can come on tour with you, and meanwhile Damon is losing his MIND. Can you imagine? I bet he’s thinking, God, why did I ever think I wanted this? I mean, Damon made a good point last week about the weird tension in their relationship coming from Emily’s trust issues, not her gymnastics, but he’s also one of those guys who only wants what he can’t have! Now that she’s like, okay, this is real, let’s do this, he’s probably starting to realize he’s no longer interested. And that is WAY SAD YO. Poor Emily. I say that sincerely.

Damon deftly turns it around on her and is like, you’re really going to give up gymnastics? “What about your dream?” That’s, like, the show’s tagline. “My dream is killing me,” she says. “This is my way out. All I feel is relief.” She decides she’s going to go home and pack and she’s going to move in with Damon and they’re going to do the whole thing, and meanwhile he’s just reeling and not saying anything.  This is not good.

Lauren, finally realizing the harm she has done in nearly destroying the best coach ever, sends Ellen Beales the whole training cam video to clear Sasha’s name. What are the odds this’ll turn out poorly? At this point, everybody seems to be over that tape. I guess it could make Sasha eligible to be the World team coach. Kaylie and her mom have a little heart-to-heart, but I’m not sure what that gives Kaylie. Ohhhhh…she’s come to see Emily. As part of the whole honesty and integrity thing she learned in therapy, Kaylie admits she and Damon kissed but that she would never intentionally hurt her and it’s not going to become anything. Emily doesn’t respond, and Kaylie leaves, but as you can probably imagine it throws Em into a tailspin re: Damon.

Payson is reading a tabloid and lamenting the nation’s obsession with teen pregnancy, then she whoopses the secret about Emily. “We put up with so much crap from each other because we’re not just friends, we’re a team, and we go through the most grueling training together,” Payson explains. She feels let down by Emily, but Kim patiently points out to her that she’s not being much of a leader by villainizing Emily. Although, seriously! Payson’s right, Payson’s always right. But she’s not being super compassionate, which I guess was Kim’s point. FINE MOM.

The girls–Lauren, Kaylie and Payson–show up at Casa de Kmetko, but when Chloe answers the door she’s crying, and tells them Emily’s not there. She’s boarded a bus to Las Vegas, where she’s going to stay with her godmother. She’s having the baby. Oh man. You know, I give Emily a whole lot of grief, but I completely understand this turn of events and I’m brokenhearted for her about Damon. I loved him, too, girl. Even though most of the time I didn’t think you were very deserving of his unfailing support and encouragement, you don’t deserve to be deserted by him now. He’s having a real Adam Rove* moment here, and I’m just really disappointed.

Emily rides the bus and remembers the good times with her friends and family and gymnastics as “The Girl Who Broke In Two” plays. That’s actually on the Opposite of Hallelujah soundtrack! The Rock girls are at gymnastics camp. They talk about how nobody really understands what you go through as an elite gymnast except your team. Even Lauren agrees that Emily was a good enough gymnast (DEBATABLE) but she didn’t have the mental strength to do what was necessary to succeed at the sport. They look at the tree stump where the four of them carved their initials and the words “Olympics 2012″ and they tear up over losing Emily. Kaylie decides that she’s not ready to give up on gymnastics yet.

What they don’t know is that their parents (plus Summer and Sasha) have followed them up there and are watching (sort of creepily) from the bushes while the girls mourn their lost friend (”It’s like a funeral,” Kim says) and reaffirm their goals. The parents finally crash the party with sleeping bags and tell them that Sasha is the new World coach. UM. TIMELINE MALFUNCTION. When did Lauren send that tape to the NGO, this afternoon? Sure. Fine, show.

Next week: The fallout from Emily’s decision. Damon’s not ready to be a father, Chloe doesn’t think Emily’s ready to be a mother. Damon comes to the Rock (I’m assuming to pursue Kaylie, what a JERK FACE) and Austin punches him, which should be GREAT. Also, shirtless Sasha.

*And by that I mean how in the second season of Joan of Arcadia, Adam Rove, Best Boyfriend Ever (TM), cheats on Joan when she won’t have sex with him. AS IF! This is why “nice guys come in last” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Even nice guys are only nice when you’re not interested. Once you’re head over heels in love with them, they do something awful to hurt you. This is the lesson that television has taught us.

Originally published at AnnaJarzab.com

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